Is a middle lane possible for drinking alcohol?

Recently, I developed the radical notion that most of us could limit ourselves to one or two alcoholic drinks at a time

I have a bit of a reputation for saying things that are off the wall and I accept that it may be a little irritating. Examples include the wild notion that hospital doctors could write comprehensive discharge letters for every patient, or that men could regularly clean the bathroom without instruction or praise.

These are pie in the sky.

I realise that.

So I might as well add another daft concept to the list.

It is possible for the vast majority of us to just have one or two alcoholic drinks at a time. That could be how we drink alcoholic drinks.

That could be the behaviour we model to our children.

I was listening to a debate about whether under-18s should be permitted to consume alcohol-free drinks while out in a pub or restaurant. For once, Big Alcohol and Big Nanny were both on the same page, agreeing that those who are not legally permitted to drink alcohol should also be forbidden from drinking these alcohol-free versions. But not Monster. Or Red Bull. Or that toxic sludge marketed by certain YouTubers.

Neither party suggested that normalising alcohol as a drink, rather than treating it as a shameful poison only ever consumed by degenerates and weaklings, might possibly help us to eliminate the uniquely Irish childishness that has developed around alcohol consumption. I still hear teenagers talking about drink in the very same way we did when we were young – whispered titters about where they were going to hurl the cheap vodka down their necks. Grandiose statements about how many cans they can sink before heading to the Meitheal disco. God forbid that anyone might discuss the merits of IPA over pilsner, or the fruitiness of a Portuguese white.

In Ireland, if you don’t happen to drink alcohol you are better off giving a slightly shameful downward glance when asked would you like a drink and hope to goodness the person assumes you have a severe alcohol dependency issue and have been forced by law to quit. Of course, if you are a female between the age of 12 and 55, you can be sure that your abstinence will be taken as a reflection of fecundity.

I fully accept that I am not an expert on addiction and that for some people there is no safe amount of alcohol consumption because they will find themselves unable to stop.

However, for many people, perhaps there is a middle lane.

If you drink one drink early in the evening, and have some food and chats and laughs and maybe a little dance, you can drive home a few hours later and be fully within the law.

If you drink one drink you can have some camomile tea afterwards and go to bed, safe in the knowledge that your skull won’t feel like someone pooped in it the next day.

If you drink one drink, you can avoid getting that embarrassing red-wine-lip-liner that gathers in the corners of your mouth and is immune to all attempts to lick it away.

The World Health Organisation world mental health survey initiative compared the incidence of alcohol use disorders (AUDs) across the world to identify differences and commonalities in various countries and regions. Lo and behold, while 75 per cent of Italians are drinkers, only 1.3 per cent meet the criteria for AUD.

Hang on there now, wait a second… so you could drink a lovely glass of Chianti and not get so drunk that you are looking for a liver and fava beans chaser?

In Australia, however, where 94 per cent of people drink alcohol, there is a lifetime prevalence rate of 23 per cent of being identified as using alcohol in a way that is harmful to your health. 97 per cent of Peruvians drink, but only 6 per cent of them develop an AUD.

The study includes Northern Ireland, but not the Republic; the rate of lifetime alcohol use there is 83 per cent and lifetime AUD prevalence is 13 per cent.

Enough with the numbers – my point is that harmful use of alcohol seems less related to the number of people who drink it and more to do with sociological or cultural factors. Could we try to do some more work on those, rather than automatically opting for the punitive wrist-slapping stance?

Is there a way of addressing this issue maturely and realistically, without resorting to either rib-nudging giggles or draconian dictates?

[Disclaimer: I am a convert to single-unit drinking, due to the inconvenience of having most of my liver invaded by metastatic cancer. I do not recommend this as a public health measure to reduce alcohol use.]