Flipping patriarchy on its head

Simon chose a specialty where part-time working was ‘acceptable’

Simon and I studied medicine together in UCC. We qualified a long time ago now, at the dawning of the new millennium. Our lives were ahead of us and the world was our oyster, or at the very least, our periwinkle. Like most of us, Simon wasn’t entirely sure exactly what kind of doctor he wanted to be. He had struggled a little in the first few years of medical school, as he had to catch up on the basic sciences; his school only offered biology, so chemistry and physics were an uphill battle. He had also had a couple of negative social experiences during his college years, including having been sexually assaulted after his drink was spiked. He didn’t tell anyone about this, as he was too ashamed, and he became withdrawn and depressed. However, he managed to pass his exams and earned himself a reasonably good degree.

He didn’t know how to apply for the various training schemes, as no one had ever explained this to us in college. I had picked up the basics from the older girls on the rugby team, so I was able to give him a few pointers, but I was surprised by how little he knew about the system. I often overheard useful snippets of intel in the women’s changing rooms in theatre; most of the consultants would be in there chatting and I was able to eavesdrop initially and over time built up the courage to ask them direct questions. I think Simon could have done this as well if he wanted, but the men’s changing rooms were very different, he said.

We both applied for the surgical training scheme, but he said afterwards he wasn’t disappointed when they rejected him, because his heart wasn’t really in it. Some of the consultants had told him it was not compatible with family life and he was already engaged to Julie. They hadn’t discussed yet whether or not they wanted kids, but most people assumed that they would.

Julie was already training to be a maxillofacial surgeon, so it made more sense for Simon to look after any children they decided to have. He would need to work part-time in that case, so to be on the safe side, Simon chose a speciality where that was acceptable (though no training scheme at that time actually offered part-time training). Besides, Simon had always liked the idea of general practice and he could always do some minor surgery when he was set up.

Their wedding was wonderful; Simon looked great in his three-piece suit with pearl buttons and he said that all the organising and preparations had been well worth it. He had made the sugared almonds for the wedding favours himself and really didn’t mind bringing Julie’s mother to the urgent care centre when she tripped over the speaker as she belted out Living on a Prayer with her scarf wrapped around her forehead. He was a little light-headed from the diet he had been on for three months, but everyone kept saying how great he looked, so he felt amazing.

He felt somewhat less amazing after little Seán was born, as he struggled to stay awake on three hours’ sleep per night. They had moved to Canada for Julie’s fellowship, and she worked incredibly long hours, so he knew he just had to get through this phase and everything would be okay. He was so lonely without his family – his dad would have been a huge help to him having raised six of his own. He began to wonder if he might ever be able to work again, as his brainpower seemed to have been sucked out of him by endless toilet scrubbing and laundry loads and grocery shopping.

Julie tried to help when she could, but she found the washing machine very confusing with all its different programmes and buttons. She was blessed with an inability to smell a dirty nappy and was surprised when she discovered that little Seán was not a big fan of sitting in the rain at the side of pitch for hours on end, so she stopped bringing him to training. She was happy to babysit while Simon went to the supermarket, though.

Simon works part-time in someone else’s practice now. He didn’t get invited to be a partner, despite being there for four years longer than the new partner, Shirley. He doesn’t mind. He just wasn’t the right person for the job.

[Simon doesn’t exist. He has been inspired by the book Flipping Patriarchy, recently published by the genius behind the social media account @manwhohasitall].