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It’s more important now than ever to see the funny side of life, so here are a few Christmas-related quotes to see out 2020 and stumble over the line into 2021. As always, your contributions are welcome at the above email address. The very best wishes to you and yours from the Dorsal View – may next year bring you happier, longer days, and shorter waiting lists.
• “We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorised tie racks.” Bill McKibben, environmentalist, author, and journalist.
• “I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘so does the guy I stole it from.’” David Letterman.
• “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” Shirley Temple.
• “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington DC. This wasn’t for any religious reasons — they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” Jay Leno.
• “Thank you, stockings, for being a long, flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” Jimmy Fallon.
• “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” Larry Wilde, actor and comedian.
• “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” Milton Berle, comedian.
• “This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” Anthony Jeselnik, actor and comedian.